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As i am writing this, i am hiding under my blanket with a torch. Cuz it's lights out. I still awnt to write cuz i gt things to say.
The biggest impact of my life.. and BMT happened today. Haircut!! I would avoid mirrors and cams as much as possible! So different from when i have hair! The feel is soo different too! No more swinging back of fringe! The weight is no longer there! After the haircut, i never looked at the mirror. Until we had to be at attention in front of a glass panel where i saw my silhouette . At tt pt i felt like crying. Wo zhe me jian ren?!
Throughout the years, my outlook appearance plated a vv large part in my confidence! Say i wear big tees and shorts to orchard.. i wun have confidence either. Same as with my hair! I am like so saddened la! How am i going to face ppl?
Anyway today was a rather fine day. 10 Combact PT drills in the morning with lots of pushups and then we practically sat the whole day. Orientation still i guess..
Ppl say one loses weight in the army? Bullshit! If i ate everything they gave, i wud definitely gain weight! Sooo much carbos la! And i have been wasting food today. =D. Haha! But i dunno how others view me. Cuz i feel stared and diao-ed at whenever i waste food. Like breakfast. i wasted a slice of bread, lunch i wasted 2/3 of my rice, and dinner i wasted 1/2 of the rice. SO much food loh! And even night snack also which i decided to skip today.
I wonder how tmr will be. Going to the range to see the firing.
I am soo looking forward to Thurs when i can book out la! I miss the life outside already.
What i want to do on Fri? Ask louiza out to ship for a cap? haha!! But i'd only ask on thues night cuz it's of least priority. Sms-ed the whole of last night la! The only entertainment I CAN PROVIDE in there (winks at louiza, if u're reading.. haha!)
For the last 10min or so.. i have been feeling my head. And i am depressed! Today esp when i knocked into the cupboard juz now. Usually my hair would warn me before i touch it. And even if i knocked it, my hair would reduce the pain!
I'm not used to not tilting my head against the direction of the win direction to avoid messing my hair up!
I'm not used to scratching my head and feeling skin and also the hair pricking my head. Without hair, i cannot act cute!! Haha! Cannot look pitiful.. kelian.. haha! I feel so gay now.
I'm depressed cuz i wan HAIR!
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I'm supposed to be preparing my stuff now.. but ithink i've gt them prepared.. at least for wad i need later.
I'm on the verge of breaking down already. On 2 occasions.. one, when i look at my old photos wth the nice smile, and hair, haha.. and two, during meal times. They give so much food la! I'm afraid of putting on weight! Call me gay or wadsoever but not having hair is already a big dent in my confidence. Putting on weight would totally crush my confidence! Without confidence, i would go back to the sec 1,2 days.. i think i need to talk to someone about this. I dun wan to break down! Luckily I have this diary to bitch on and also in 3 days time, on thurs eve, i would book out. I think to me sleeping when booking out if of the least priority. In fact, i think socialising and letting out air is utmost priority.
Now i have no idea wad to do. Everyone seems so busy packing and arranging their stuff.. except me! I'm lost la.. though i still smile and talk and laugh to ppl aroudn me, i still dun really know their names yet.
And i muz say again. i feel vv depressed when i see photos of my old self. I think i would never accept my hairstyle now. Even putting on my helmet hurts my scalp!
Oh ya.. this morning i felt so lost! WHen i woke up, rushed through my chores, and came out of the toilet, it's time to fall in and i haven't gotten ready yet! I put on myshoes.. and luckily there's Richard who helped me pack my cupboard. Otherwise i wud take longer. BUT! On my way down, i realised i forgot to change my shirt and i have to rush back up! The worse thing is tt i gt to the wrong room on the wrong floow! I felt really lost! Even as i finally found my way down!
I juz scratched my head, and i feel like crying yet again.. haizzzz
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Yet another free time. Had free time in the morning and then after the hot and tiring rife range, followed my dinner and now. If only everyday would be like today, den BMT would be ok. Haha.. i'm onyl afraid of broad jump in IPPT. Tmr's IPPT Categorization test leh.. Broad kimp.. haizz.. 216 is all i need la!
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No, it is not lights out yet! Today lights out time is 2300 & Reveille, however u spell it, is 0600. 1/2 hr later. Cuz we finished later today..
Today is another slack day. Had 2km run which din feel like it! Haha! Followed by a looong series of lectures & then the Rifle Presentation Ceremony. The M-16 is like so heavy la!
Today's food is one of the better ones.. but it's still not gd.. to me. Haha! I'm a food connoiseur, again howeevr u spell it. I can only commend their chicken rendang. And talking about food, i think i've put on weight. So i'm controlling my diet. THey give too much carbo which is fattening! Or maybe it's the hair!
And on the hair, i have NEVER felt rain drops on my scalp UNTIL today! Once again, it's depressing.
Each time even if sth has dropped on my head, i feel against touching it. I can't bear to feel my head! Cant! haizz