It's been a shitty 2 weeks. I've been practically emo-ing the whole time these 2 weeks.. It's all about yj.
First up was the pig's birthday. She planned his birthday and they went out the whole day. I'm ok with that, but somehow it just felt saddening and perhaps that the night out for supposedly my birthday was cut short and it seemed more of a date. Appreciate is one thing, feeling for it is another things.
Then after that came the news that they're going on a cruise together with her family. Wad de.. I was super duper emo. How can she let that happen if she's been telling me that all she's doing now is not to hurt him at his weakest point and that's all?! Ok, i accepted that too. Chose to believe that was the real point, and somehow felt relieved that I saw it that way.
However, in-between seeing it as it is, I met her up on 16/12 night to talk about us. By then I've decided to let it go, and try hard to stop loving her and to just be friends, and also at the same time, to let the pig know about us because I felt that enough is enough. I have really done a lot a lot to just make her feel happy and can be sad and emo and be at the background the whole time. I thought 开心就好, but it turned out that they got closer. Yj gt emotionally closer to him over the months since October when I start to really chase after her.
After we parted on Thurday, she asked me out for dinner on Friday. And it was actually ok, but why did she have to drop so many hints to me?! Did I catch the wrong ones? Choose to believe the wrong ones? Maybe, perhaps. And so, on Saturday, we met for breakfast and I told her ok, no, I understand that wad's you're doing to him is just to not hurt him, nothing else. I accepted that, and will continue chasing you. I felt the reaction. For 2 person who understand each other so well, I knew you had something in your mind then. There was a big block.
Nevermind, Saturday night I sent the super knn email to the guy telling him about her. The next day, she said I betrayed her trust and stuff and ignored me until only yesterday. Well, she was on cruise from Sunday to Wed night with her parents and the guy. I would never do such things.. she knew about the email I was going to send. Perhaps it was some rashness that included things that were slightly off.
The whole time she was at cruise, I was apologizing non stop. And did some super big surprise at her place when she came back. The reaction was rather different from wad it would be previously. Is it because she was still very mad? Or did the trip and the email somehow made them closer.
And today, I saw the photos of their trip on facebook. This is shit. A really shitty feeling. Come on! I know I chose this path right from the start when I decided to let you know of my feelings because you were already attached to him. But why did I do so? It is simply because you reciprocated. Throuhgout the months, we grew so much so much closer. All the late night talks, endless sms-es, outings.. Plans for holidays, cruise etc.. Everything! There was the "love is in the air" thing going around. I'm not an idiot.. if there isn't anything going around from your side, why would I jump further and further in?!
And the worst thing, you never explicitely say that we have no chance, or we have a chance. So I'm constantly waiting.. All the hints doesnt help.. from "I think 2 person have to be attracted to each other to constantly have things to talk about", and "It doesnt matter(that you let me know your feelings now), because the only difference is who says it first). You know how hard it is when you see someone you really love being with someone else.
I never blamed you, and am not blaming you because I got myself in this shithole. The cruise pictures on facebook really made me u know u know. I cant take it anymore now. I cant.... It's been since early October and everything, every single thing I did was so that you be happier each day. Every surprise, outings, listening ear.. BIG detours so that we do not bump into him. I dunno what you tell him about us. I do not know about now, but I do know that for a period of time in October and November, aside from being your bf, I was providing everything a bf could provide.. all the emotional support and stuff.
You dunno how hard it hurts when you rant about things he do to me. I just listened and pushed my emotions to the back and just consoled you so that you can feel better. Our pictures? Just 2 good friends doing stupid things together. Your pictures? A girl who loves the guy..
My hands never trembled so much. Not with Priscilla. You said do not compared you with her because it's demeaning. I'm not comparing. But somehow, certain things are similar. Why am I always in this shit?!
When I saw the fb photos, I wanted to cry. I really do, because if I did that, I would feel a lot a lot better. But I just cant.
Dont say I dont understand you when Im typing all these. I know you can probably do it, but I cant anymore. I cant absorb everything, and control all my thought just so that you feel happier and not so bothered about things I say. I cant.. No more.. I'm very lost.
It's a race of time now.. You make yourself clear, or I eventually drift away from you. We or maybe I fell for you cuz of personality and character. We never thought we would have anything going on. But somehow, things just happened. If you were single now, everything might be different.
I told you before, not showing, doesnt mean not having. He can cry in front of you, rant about all his shit and stuff, and you worry and wad nots about it. I dont not because I dun have. It's because I can control.
Maybe if you have no reason to love someone, it's harder to give it up because there isnt a reason why you love, so there's nth to break it. But if there's a reason to love, if the reason is gone, den it's gone...
All those 宝贝s.. and XXOOs, and phone XXs, and the hand holdings. Ok, can be nothing. I'm thinking too much huh. Fine. Den what about all the tehness, the saying 我对你最好，我最了解你..
I really hope you can come out and let me know everything. I know your point that we cannot start anything because you're with him. So.. solve it! Let me know or let him know. Wad is wrong?! This is not very difficult. I have no right to know or interfere.. but.. so?! I'm the direct party involved. ..
First up was the pig's birthday. She planned his birthday and they went out the whole day. I'm ok with that, but somehow it just felt saddening and perhaps that the night out for supposedly my birthday was cut short and it seemed more of a date. Appreciate is one thing, feeling for it is another things.
Then after that came the news that they're going on a cruise together with her family. Wad de.. I was super duper emo. How can she let that happen if she's been telling me that all she's doing now is not to hurt him at his weakest point and that's all?! Ok, i accepted that too. Chose to believe that was the real point, and somehow felt relieved that I saw it that way.
However, in-between seeing it as it is, I met her up on 16/12 night to talk about us. By then I've decided to let it go, and try hard to stop loving her and to just be friends, and also at the same time, to let the pig know about us because I felt that enough is enough. I have really done a lot a lot to just make her feel happy and can be sad and emo and be at the background the whole time. I thought 开心就好, but it turned out that they got closer. Yj gt emotionally closer to him over the months since October when I start to really chase after her.
After we parted on Thurday, she asked me out for dinner on Friday. And it was actually ok, but why did she have to drop so many hints to me?! Did I catch the wrong ones? Choose to believe the wrong ones? Maybe, perhaps. And so, on Saturday, we met for breakfast and I told her ok, no, I understand that wad's you're doing to him is just to not hurt him, nothing else. I accepted that, and will continue chasing you. I felt the reaction. For 2 person who understand each other so well, I knew you had something in your mind then. There was a big block.
Nevermind, Saturday night I sent the super knn email to the guy telling him about her. The next day, she said I betrayed her trust and stuff and ignored me until only yesterday. Well, she was on cruise from Sunday to Wed night with her parents and the guy. I would never do such things.. she knew about the email I was going to send. Perhaps it was some rashness that included things that were slightly off.
The whole time she was at cruise, I was apologizing non stop. And did some super big surprise at her place when she came back. The reaction was rather different from wad it would be previously. Is it because she was still very mad? Or did the trip and the email somehow made them closer.
And today, I saw the photos of their trip on facebook. This is shit. A really shitty feeling. Come on! I know I chose this path right from the start when I decided to let you know of my feelings because you were already attached to him. But why did I do so? It is simply because you reciprocated. Throuhgout the months, we grew so much so much closer. All the late night talks, endless sms-es, outings.. Plans for holidays, cruise etc.. Everything! There was the "love is in the air" thing going around. I'm not an idiot.. if there isn't anything going around from your side, why would I jump further and further in?!
And the worst thing, you never explicitely say that we have no chance, or we have a chance. So I'm constantly waiting.. All the hints doesnt help.. from "I think 2 person have to be attracted to each other to constantly have things to talk about", and "It doesnt matter(that you let me know your feelings now), because the only difference is who says it first). You know how hard it is when you see someone you really love being with someone else.
I never blamed you, and am not blaming you because I got myself in this shithole. The cruise pictures on facebook really made me u know u know. I cant take it anymore now. I cant.... It's been since early October and everything, every single thing I did was so that you be happier each day. Every surprise, outings, listening ear.. BIG detours so that we do not bump into him. I dunno what you tell him about us. I do not know about now, but I do know that for a period of time in October and November, aside from being your bf, I was providing everything a bf could provide.. all the emotional support and stuff.
You dunno how hard it hurts when you rant about things he do to me. I just listened and pushed my emotions to the back and just consoled you so that you can feel better. Our pictures? Just 2 good friends doing stupid things together. Your pictures? A girl who loves the guy..
My hands never trembled so much. Not with Priscilla. You said do not compared you with her because it's demeaning. I'm not comparing. But somehow, certain things are similar. Why am I always in this shit?!
When I saw the fb photos, I wanted to cry. I really do, because if I did that, I would feel a lot a lot better. But I just cant.
Dont say I dont understand you when Im typing all these. I know you can probably do it, but I cant anymore. I cant absorb everything, and control all my thought just so that you feel happier and not so bothered about things I say. I cant.. No more.. I'm very lost.
It's a race of time now.. You make yourself clear, or I eventually drift away from you. We or maybe I fell for you cuz of personality and character. We never thought we would have anything going on. But somehow, things just happened. If you were single now, everything might be different.
I told you before, not showing, doesnt mean not having. He can cry in front of you, rant about all his shit and stuff, and you worry and wad nots about it. I dont not because I dun have. It's because I can control.
Maybe if you have no reason to love someone, it's harder to give it up because there isnt a reason why you love, so there's nth to break it. But if there's a reason to love, if the reason is gone, den it's gone...
All those 宝贝s.. and XXOOs, and phone XXs, and the hand holdings. Ok, can be nothing. I'm thinking too much huh. Fine. Den what about all the tehness, the saying 我对你最好，我最了解你..
I really hope you can come out and let me know everything. I know your point that we cannot start anything because you're with him. So.. solve it! Let me know or let him know. Wad is wrong?! This is not very difficult. I have no right to know or interfere.. but.. so?! I'm the direct party involved. ..
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